Yesterday was James's last day of school and the official start to summer break - three solid months of summer fun. Yippee!
However... most likely James won't consider this summer as fun as previous summers. A few months ago Josh and I realized we needed a big change. Far less electronics, far more sunshine. Much less tolerance for tears and tantrums, far more expectation for determination and patience. We literally changed our parenting style overnight, created a list of new family rules, and began enforcing every single one with some sort of physical exercise or chore.
Does this make me sound mean? For the past few months I have felt a bit mean. I enrolled my child in karate classes, added to his daily chores, pushed him to work harder, ignored tears and punished whining. Trust me, the past few months have been tough for all three of us.
But we've seen wonderful results. Back in February James was having issues in second grade. He wouldn't focus. He couldn't sit still. He'd rush through work and not care a bit about the quality, just about being the first one done. No, James doesn't have ADD, or some other label like that. He just needed more guidance, more structure, and, apparently, a lot more experience raking leaves in the back yard.
Over the past few months I've seen James transform from a wimpy crybaby to a resilient and respectful nine year old. Yes, I cringe at the words "wimpy crybaby" because I know someone, somewhere is going to judge me.
How dare you call your son a crybaby! We want men to have emotions and be empathetic!
Yes, absolutely, I agree with you. But we also don't want to raise a man-baby who melts down when his boss asks him to work on a Friday night. Or do something he doesn't particularly like. I want my son to be in touch with his emotions, but not be ruled by them. I want to raise an adult, not a child in a grown-up body.
So in this spirit of parenting, this summer is going to be quite different. Instead of so-called educational television to "keep him occupied" James will be occupied continually with tasks that build dexterity in his hands, patience and perseverance in his mind, and strength in his body.
Today James hand stitched charm squares together while I wrote quilt patterns for fall market and when he made the exact same mistake three times (looping the thread over the seam allowance instead of stitching up through the fabric correctly), I made him do 15 push-ups as punishment.
Yes, I punished my child for not just hand stitching badly, but mostly for making the same mistake repeatedly, which implies he wasn't paying attention, wasn't engaged with the task, or simply didn't care.
Up until now I've resisted this sort of parenting because it was very similar to the way I was raised. My dad would often send me and my sisters outside and lock the doors so we couldn't come back in. I can remember feeling shut-out and unloved, feelings I never wanted my child to feel.
But then again... I turned out okay. These days I'm starting to think that maybe those times being outside for a few hours weren't so bad after all. I learned how to entertain myself. I found something to make or create. I usually got pretty muddy, and ultimately I had fun.
If I don't send James outside, how will he learn this, experience this, find this for himself? He won't. If I don't push my child to pay attention to his mistakes so he will stop making them, how will he learn how to avoid them? If I don't help my child build these mental and physical muscles, who will?
So here's to a different type of summer! Far less television. Almost no video games. Lots more sunshine. Lots more chores. Lots more to learn, and way more growth. After all... isn't that my word for this year...
grow?
Let's go grow,
Leah Day
